Reflect ourselves

After a full week with Matthew B we were looking forward to a time of breathing out. There were fewer meetings scheduled and there was some work to catch up on so the days stretched ahead time-full.

Matthew B headed onwards into more activity and meetings plus a very important presentation to give. A long flight across seven time zones, bland, nutritionless aeroplane food and disrupted sleep found him landing in Tokyo jet lagged and exhausted.

While we were having our leisurely Sunday morning walk in treelined streets, Matthew B was battling through a very hot high rise city on Sunday afternoon trying to find his AirBnB.

As we settled down for a home cooked brunch, Matthew B went to dinner with two people he had mostly met online to eat food he did not recognise, could not pronounce and was devoid of vegetables. Thank goodness he had overdosed on his greens with us the week before.

Not that clever

Although travelling can be a mind expanding, memory making experience, we do put our bodies under severe strain when flying across time zones. Never mind the uncomfortable seating and the terrible food that most of us have to deal with, we are strapped into seats in a proximity so close that bumping elbows is a given. Barring those rush hour sardine train and taxi rides, we’d normally only accept this level of personal space invasion from someone we had a close relationship with.

Sleep does not come easy unless chased with something liquid or round. Already sleep derived, it takes one day per time zone to recover and perform optimally in the new environment. Who actually gives themselves this luxury when time and money are on the line?

Sports teams get it, some of them, anyway. No more do they fly in, play a game and fly out. Now the aim is to arrive two weeks before the event to acclimatise and get back to peak performance.

Us normal humans, we push ourselves and our bodies in the pursuit of business and pleasure. We are not all that clever when it comes to supporting ourselves. We think we are. Clever. But mostly we are not. Very. Clever.

We may be super intelligent. We may be able to invent and produce amazing things, stride up the corporate ladder and build status and wealth. But on the whole we are not very clever.

Did we hook you?

What did we mean by that? Did we get your pulse racing at the suggestion that you are not very clever? Did we hook you? What was your deepest desire at that moment?

It doesn’t matter what it was, it was just a reaction. It happens all the time on social media. What differentiates those that react in the heat of the moment and those who take some time to process the proposition is the ability to recognise the hook and then restrain the urge to tap back a snarl or insult by managing the emotion.

It takes a certain maturity to do that, a level of development that many have not had the benefit of achieving. Either because they aren’t aware, or are stuck and don’t know how to, many adults stay rooted in childhood patterns that play out on social media and in their relationships like playground wars and toddler tantrums.

For his sins

Our week was not quite the breathe out week we anticipated. Although there were fewer meetings to attend and deadlines to reach, the days were filled with what were possibly catch up activities.

A variety of tasks, so important, we can’t remember what they were, filled a To Do list that was worked through daily. The ongoing cracking project and research into dates and specifics of the development of Shape of Emotion, had us sitting at our screens for longer than we wanted to. It was, however, the unsolicited interactions online that drained our energy.

Matthew, for his sins, is the admin of two Linden WhatsApp groups. The aim of the groups is to support local businesses. There is no fee to participate but there are rules. One of them is the area that the group covers. Anyone outside the radius of 3.5km from the centre of Linden cannot post, market or sell on the group. They can join but they cannot advertise.

Far too many individuals believe they know better. From a position of self appointed entitlement they demand, insist and call for changes to the rules. To suit themselves, of course. Just this Sunday Matthew received a message suggesting he move the centre of the circle. No context, no reason, just a request that he move the pin.

Unsurprisingly, it was so the person’s business would fall within the radius and they could participate. This explanation only came later. Matthew declined to move the said pin. He wondered aloud at what he would have had to endure, had he felt sorry for the individual and adjusted the circle to accommodate them.

Way too long (for me)

Another online interaction had us momentarily taken aback. This time from someone on Insight Timer, a mindfulness app where we have a range of audio offerings. The offering was a poem, Invictus, read by Matthew. The feedback from said individual: “For me, (short attention span,) the introduction is way too long.” with a 3 out of 5 rating.

Now, 3 out of 5 may not seem that bad but in order to remain on the platform you have to have an overall rating of 4.5.

His problem, a short attention span, had now become ours. What were we to do with this feedback? Another individual who sat on the sidelines, devouring content, offered at no cost to him, and an opinion that gave him the right to “mark it down”.

Social media has provided even the most inane and mediocre of beings a space to blast their view to the world. It has given them the idea that they have a right to equal airspace and more power than those that have taken the time to produce, make, design, and offer product, services and content.

You have to be very careful about what you share out there. The recent hysteria around the murder of Charlie Kirk shows how social media can be used to destroy people who think they have a right to pronounce glee or horror at this occurrence. Woe betide you if you are on the “wrong side”. You could get fired, your reputation ruined, or your business flattened.

Reflect ourselves

Watching the craziness play out around the Charlie Kirk murder, even from a distance, it was clear that many adults were acting out, stuck in child and not being very clever. Human development does require a growth in self awareness before any change can be made. Positional politics, acrimonious spats, and unsolicited recriminations are examples of defendedness rooted in fear.

Fear of the unknown, fear of not being good enough, fear of difference, fear of a lack of control, fear that the world is a dangerous place, these keep us closed and reactive. Being driven by fear means there is little opportunity to rise above the mess, take a step back and reflect.

Self reflection helps bring about a growth in self awareness. When we are able to reflect on ourselves, our hooks, behaviour, beliefs and actions we open the door for change. That small crack allows the light to shine on our drives and desires.

It offers the potential for a renewed perspective, a realisation and probably some forgiveness. This in turn allows us to more easily accept what is, and what we can and want to change. Then finally, and only then, can we make a choice to take action.

The way we behave reflects who we are. Our behaviour reflects our values and our beliefs. It is the mirror to our soul. If we allow ourselves the time to step away from the treadmill, the socially sanctioned conflict and emotion puppeteering, we have the chance to choose and change and grow. A chance to reflect ourselves somewhat differently, perhaps.

Until next time.

Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew

Credits for this issue — Images: 5th Place