It’s a celebration!
A resistance and then an acquiescence led to a full and connecting celebration of a significant birthday. It’s in the now that real life is lived, noted Matthew.
Some birthdays are more significant than others. All birthdays deserve to be appropriately celebrated of course but some really merit more intention and attention. This particular birthday was initially not going to be celebrated at all. Careful prodding and persuasion changed that idea and the outcome was more than worth it.
Turning 60 is a considerable milestone. One that came as a bit of a shock to Chantal, who was stepping into this particular decade in her life.
“Sixty sounds so old,” Chantal wailed in her: “I’m not going to do anything for that birthday” phase.
Casting her eyes across the previous decade she wondered what she had actually accomplished over that time. There had been a relationship rift, mountains of heart ache and family upsets. There were pandemic induced work difficulties. Chased by despair and desperation Chantal had found herself on the cliff edge of giving up.
There were also wedding joys, new baby delights and the light of coming back to the roots of 5th Place and the opportunity to re-energise and rework the offering.
An acquiescence to a celebration
Over time, and not-so-gentle urging from Matthew, Chantal acquiesced and considered a celebration just for the family. Then later considered a lunch at an external venue. The problem was these venues offered uninspiring vegetable lasagne or vegetable curry as the vegetarian option.
“No thanks. It’s my birthday, I want a decent meal,” said Chantal, “I think we must have it here, at home, and get in caterers.”
A woman is allowed to change her mind. And so the planning started. The invite list was drawn up and the invitations Whatsapped out. Behind the scenes Matthew was doing some planning of his own.
The week leading up to the event was a full one. Notwithstanding the party plans there were meetings to attend, proposals to write up, coaching sessions to hold, and articles to write. There was little time to rest as Saturday was taken up working at the foundation.
Plan B put into action
The day of the party arrived. The weather had not received the memo. Dreams of a sunny summer outdoor lunch were quickly covered in grey clouds and impending rain. Plan B was put into action. The lounge and sunroom were cleared of furniture and the tables and chairs brought inside.
Guests arrived and mingled under the covered patio. The soft drizzle floated in and out but never stayed too long to dampen the show. A smiling young woman showed up with a fancy camera to record the proceedings, the first of the surprises that Matthew had arranged.
A quick distraction and when Chantal returned to the patio there was a keyboard being played by someone we know well, accompanied by a violinist, who we didn’t, and Phenye, our tenor friend. A beautiful Matthew surprise. A short concert of music and carefully selected songs entertained and astonished our guests.
“You thought you were only coming for lunch,” laughed a thrilled Chantal.
Of course there were speeches. Matthew had been repeatedly warned to ensure his was not too long.
“We don’t want our guests gnawing their forearms in hunger and desperation.”
Cailyn, Chantal’s daughter, Matthew and of course Chantal all said something. They were heartfelt and sincere. Beautifully constructed and carefully considered. No-one was put to sleep, and all forearms were left intact, even though the speeches did take up a good few minutes.
Hugged full
The food was delicious, even hardened carnivores agreed. A harvest table groaning under the weight of rainbow coloured vegetables and hearty homemade breads. The combination of tastes and textures appeased any personal preferences and beckoned most back for more.
For dessert, a beautiful tiered cake of honey, almonds, granadilla and white chocolate turned even ardent non-cake eaters to firm favourites of the art.
The day slowed down and started closing out. Friends and family headed home hugged full with fabulous engagements and interesting stories. New contacts were made, old acquaintances met and recollections shared and created.
“Was it worth it?” asked Matthew as we settled onto the couch to reflect on the day.
“More than,” replied Chantal.
Relationships make the difference
No matter our age, it’s our relationships that make the difference to how succulent our lives are. Those that chose to spend the day with us were there because they cared. What better gift to give than care and attention? The flow of energy of what was, at its essence, love, bonded everybody together in a subtle and sincere manner that stayed long after the last goodbye had been spoken.
In his speech Matthew said:
“…Because if this journey, my journey with you, Chantal has taught me anything, it is that life is not measured in eruptions, in upheavals, in grand milestones. Not even in the clashes and the learning, the debating and the reflection, or in the steady, loving rebuilding.
Life is measured in the moments in between. And it is here that life is actually lived. In these spaces and places we call now.”
It was in the now of swapping stories around a table squeezed into a sunroom that memories were made. It was in the now of being together under a cloudy soaked sky that lingered in the taste on our lips, the whisper in our ears and the scent on our skin.
A not so simple decision that went from no celebration to yes, let’s do it, resulted in exponential ripples that will reverberate in our hearts and minds for a long time. Friendships were deepened, associations strengthened, all wrapped in a music score of love and roses.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew
Credits for this issue — Images: Midjourney, 5th Place & FRAMED MEDIAFOR THE LOVELY PARTY PHOTOS
Written by
Chantal Dawtrey
Supporting women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions · Emotional fitness coach
Chantal supports women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions. She designs and delivers data informed digital programmes that build organisational emotional fitness. She helps people move beyond habitual patterns into greater awareness, agency, and well being.
With over 15 years of coaching experience and more than two decades in facilitation and human development, Chantal partners with individuals, teams, and organizations to build emotional resilience, enhance self-awareness, and develop sustainable well-being strategies.
Her primary focus as a coach is supporting women, especially those in their 50’s and beyond, to navigate profound life transitions with clarity, steadiness and self-reconnection. Finding answers to questions about identity, purpose, belonging and desire to an emergence, a reclamation and a return to self.
If you're going through a transition and would like support, let's talk.
Matthew Green
Reducing the Certainty Deficit in high-performing people and teams · Emotional fitness coach
Matthew works with athletes, performance teams, and anyone who wants to reduce the Certainty Deficit in their situation or context.
The Certainty Deficit is the space between what you can do and what your body will let you do when it counts. It is context-specific and situational. A person or athlete can have zero deficit in one situation and a significant one in another.
The body holds beliefs that keep the Certainty Deficit in place. These beliefs run deeper than self-talk and faster than any conscious strategy. When they shift, the ceiling shifts, and new possibilities arise.
Matthew is also an emotional fitness coach who supports individuals to live and lead from a place of inner clarity and stability. The work is somatic-first, practical, and grounded.
If you're seeing a pattern that current approaches haven't shifted, let's talk.
My origin story: Why elite athletes underperform when it counts
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