Down for an upgrade
A blocked nose proves to be more than an allergic reaction and sets off a series of grumbles and resistance to being unwell. Accepting the state of affairs makes it easier to relax into the upgrade.
As we drove back from our stay in the Drakensberg Chantal noticed that her nose was blocking up. She thought it was the dry, dusty Free State air that was making her so stuffy. By the time we had arrived home and unpacked it was clear that it was not an allergic response to dust. Chantal had come down with a head cold.
The following morning Chantal woke unable to breathe through her nose. Her head felt as if it was filled with cotton wool and her eyes watered. For the first time in months she did not rise, change into easy exercise wear and meet a yoga instructor on Youtube for her daily practice. Instead she curled deeper into the bedclothes and slept some more.
Normally energetic and active, Chantal felt sluggish and slow. Thankfully there were few appointments that she had to concern herself with. A considerate coaching client was happy to postpone their session. All Chantal had to worry about was to catch up on admin and write the week’s newsletter.
The best treatment
Everybody knows that the best treatment for a cold is rest and hydration. Chantal is the first to give that advice. Day one was easy to relax into “being sick”. She shuffled around in tracksuit pants, a fleecy pullover and slippers, her hair in a messy top knot and no makeup. Just sad tired eyes looking back at her in the mirror.
Day two felt no better. Same dress code. Tissues and Vicks were tucked into the front pockets of her hoodie, a bottle of water under her arm as she alternated between the laptop to finish the newsletter, her book read from her phone and crocheting in the sun.
By day three she had become edgy. Irritated at how blocked she still felt.
“I can’t think straight,” she complained to Matthew, who was engrossed in his cracking project.
“Just ring a bell if you need me,” he said kindly.
“I feel somehow worse than yesterday,’ whined Chantal. “I’m tired and sluggish. No motivation. Fed up. No energy. I really don’t like it.”
No, she really doesn’t
No, she really doesn’t like being sick. Her intolerance and impatience are traits that raise their ugly heads at times like these. As well as her inability to accept what is. The cold wasn’t going away just because she wanted it to. In fact the more she resisted, the longer it may take to heal. This she knew all too well.
She plonked herself down on the couch in the sun room, took up her crochet project and let her thoughts go: What if I try to enjoy it? She wondered. What if I really give over to doing nothing? Just lying about, reading and crocheting and sleeping? How would that feel? Clearly my body feels that I need more rest.
Maybe I need more thinking time? Alone time? Rewarding time? Crocheting time? Sitting in the sun with no plans and no purpose. Just being sick. Right now. Just be sick. Sink into it. How often do I get the excuse to just sink into lolling about? Lazing and playing and doing nothing much?
Chantal felt her stomach crunch in panic, her chest close in fear. Her brain snapped: There must be something you need to do? Something you haven’t done? What can we rain down on your calm to unsettle you?
Books have a way
Books have a way of arriving in your life just at the time that you need them. The book that Chantal was reading: Welcome to the Hyunam-Dong Bookshop by South Korean author, Hwang Bo-reum is a comforting read about characters who are searching for answers to life. It’s about finding one’s way in spite of society’s demands and expectations.
About a third of the way through the story, the book club gathers at the bookshop. They discuss The Refusal of Work: The Theory and Practice of Resistance to Work by David Frayne. They debate the issues raised in the book. The members reflect on their own experiences of the drive and dependence of working. Of the requirement to have a decent job and the exhaustion that accompanies it.
One of the club’s members says, “You go to work even when you’re sick, and on days when you simply can’t get out of bed, the dread of skipping a day’s work eats at you more than the illness. Honestly, it’s common logic that you should rest when you’re not well. So why are we like this?”
Exactly! Why are we like this? Why is it so difficult to relax into being sick? Why is it so difficult to accept that this is the way it is today and may be so tomorrow and so what? There was no Big Boss scowling and snarling on the other end of the line. There were no customers clamouring for product and service. In this sliver of a week there was the time to just be.
There are worse things
Of course there are worse things to be sick of than a cold. Matthew likes to reframe times when we are laid low by colds and flu as being an “upgrade” to our systems. By day four Chantal had adopted the idea and was happy to potter away at bits and pieces on her laptop, dive back into her book and continue with her crochet project.
“I’m embracing this upgrade as an opportunity to practice sitting with the discomfort, accepting what is, and -”
“Being more patient with yourself?” interjected Matthew.
“And being more patient with myself,” agreed Chantal, taking a deep breath and coughing it out.
In accepting her state of health at that moment, Chantal felt the tension dissipate. She had compassion for the muscles in her shoulders and neck that had been taut and bunched up. As her eyes closed the ring of ache around her head released.
Resistance to what is can be seen everywhere. In the outrage at other countries going to war or not, the push back against anyone showing up different, and the vitriol spilling across feeds when things don’t go the way they “should”. It keeps the planet in a state of ill health. Even when we are well we are not when we fight against the weather, the politicians, or anyone on the other side.
For a moment can you let it all go? Can you bend into the possibility that it all just is. It will change. Nothing stays the same for long. Live in this moment. Notice what you didn’t when your head was in fight mode. Notice what is new about you too.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew
Credits for this issue — Images: Midjourney & 5th Place
Written by
Chantal Dawtrey
Supporting women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions · Emotional fitness coach
Chantal supports women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions. She designs and delivers data informed digital programmes that build organisational emotional fitness. She helps people move beyond habitual patterns into greater awareness, agency, and well being.
With over 15 years of coaching experience and more than two decades in facilitation and human development, Chantal partners with individuals, teams, and organizations to build emotional resilience, enhance self-awareness, and develop sustainable well-being strategies.
Her primary focus as a coach is supporting women, especially those in their 50’s and beyond, to navigate profound life transitions with clarity, steadiness and self-reconnection. Finding answers to questions about identity, purpose, belonging and desire to an emergence, a reclamation and a return to self.
If you're going through a transition and would like support, let's talk.
Matthew Green
Reducing the Certainty Deficit in high-performing people and teams · Emotional fitness coach
Matthew works with athletes, performance teams, and anyone who wants to reduce the Certainty Deficit in their situation or context.
The Certainty Deficit is the space between what you can do and what your body will let you do when it counts. It is context-specific and situational. A person or athlete can have zero deficit in one situation and a significant one in another.
The body holds beliefs that keep the Certainty Deficit in place. These beliefs run deeper than self-talk and faster than any conscious strategy. When they shift, the ceiling shifts, and new possibilities arise.
Matthew is also an emotional fitness coach who supports individuals to live and lead from a place of inner clarity and stability. The work is somatic-first, practical, and grounded.
If you're seeing a pattern that current approaches haven't shifted, let's talk.
My origin story: Why elite athletes underperform when it counts
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