Waffles drenched in syrup, piled high with ice-cream, bring back fond childhood memories for Chantal. The place to enjoy these carb full, sugar soaked desserts was sitting on the open verandah of the Blue Lagoon Restaurant in Ramsgate, on the South Coast of Kwazulu Natal. The South Coast was the annual destination for family holidays which always included a visit to the Blue Lagoon.
This Sunday another family outing took us to a family friendly, laid back restaurant called The Local Kitchen, adjacent to a driving range and a bank of padel courts. A few weeks ago we discovered that they serve the best waffles we have ever tasted. Thick but light and fluffy, piled high with cream or (sometimes, and) ice-cream and the chosen topping. We were there with the new mum, Cailyn and dad, Sean, baby Leah and her adoring uncle Judson.
Chomping through sugar mountains
As we were chomping through our sugar mountains of devilish delight we took it in turns to hold Leah who, at five months, is as curious as a cat, and sometimes just as dexterous. She wants to see everything, grab everything, make her voice heard and practice sitting, standing, and tasting. Sometimes all at the same time. Even though she is only starting to explore solids, we needed to keep her well away from all that sugar.
It’s an unfortunate fact that humans are hardwired to prefer sweet foods. Unfortunate because there is far too much sugar in so much food that is available for consumption. It’s addictive. The only way to really make sure is to make your own meals from scratch. Babies that are exposed to too much sugar risk developing a sweet tooth with all the negative health consequences that come along for the party.
We were looking out for Leah. Long may that last. Especially where it comes to exposure to that other addiction: screentime, specifically the use of smartphones.
Free play vs phone play
Our recent study and report on anxiety in high school learners focused on the various elements that can exacerbate or alleviate stress in adolescents. Based on this work, a friend recommended the book The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt to Chantal. It has made fascinating and frightening reading.
This book focuses on how, since the advent of the smartphone, children and adolescents have become much more anxious. Their parents, who have become hyper focused on their safety in the real world, have been lax on the dangers in the virtual one. As a result children spend less time playing with other kids, and far too much time on their phones.
Free play teaches us a host of skills that equip us for life as an adult. Socialisation skills are honed. The awareness of the interplay between people, how to behave, what works, what does not, only comes from playing with others of different ages. In free play children are able to make up for mistakes and move on, without the world staring down at them.
In free play children learn what their bodies can do. They are able to take small risks, bump their knees, get bruises and scrapes and get up to continue to play. They learn to focus, pay attention and coordinate their actions with others.
None of this happens through a screen.
Sugar frosted cuties. Chantal crocheted matching sun hats for mum and baby!
Nowhere to hide
With little oversight, smartphones allow children to be exposed to information that is unfiltered and frightening. It’s not the device itself that is to blame but the multitude of apps that are available. Social media, which tends to be one sided, full of conflict and often extremely toxic is available on their feeds. They are exposed to adults “screaming” at each other in text or video format, pornography, empty posturing, unrealistic body-beautiful demands and the religion of quick riches.
There is nowhere to hide and nothing is off limits. With no age restrictions, the feeds become too overwhelming with often age-inappropriate content. And it’s addictive too.
Just pop into Instagram and watch a few reels. And a few more. Next thing you know 30 minutes have flashed past. You have watched a whole lot of cotton candy nothingness. A smartphone sugar rush.
“I really didn't mean to be there long,” protested Chantal coming out of an Instagram stupor, “It just sucked me in!”
Matthew didn’t hear what she said, he was “debating” with someone on X.
We all are guilty of the screen timewarp.
A few days ago, August 19 to be precise, we experienced a Peace moon
How long does it take to refocus?
If adults find it difficult to stay away from their smartphones, how challenging must it be for children and adolescents? Just cast your eyes around a restaurant, how many patrons do you see, heads down, checking in on messages, emails, social media? Not much socialising going on there. Not much connecting on a human level. What kinds of models are we being for our children?
We can hear the “Yes, but…”. There is no excuse because glancing at your phone, even momentarily, takes the attention away from the person (or child) across from you. How long does it take to come back to focus on that person (child) once you have been distracted by a notification?
Twenty three minutes.
That’s how long it takes to refocus according to a study done by University of California Irvine. They were studying work environments but it could easily translate into the social scene.
It may not be as long as 23 minutes to come back to the table, but what definitely does happen is a lack of listening, noticing the other and being present. This is one of the reasons why our Superpower Programme has “no app attached”. It is purely analog based and encourages movement, personal interaction and focus.
Warmer weather is in the air in the Southern Hemisphere as spring edges closer. Ever mindful of the benefits of movement, we took our first Sunday walk of the upcoming new season.
Connectedness is important
Being reminded of the “dangers” of slip sliding into smartphone disconnection we are all super careful of keeping our phones away when Leah is around. Even though she’s only five months old, it’s good to start the habit now.
Screen play and interaction online comes with the real risk of being more connected while simultaneously more lonely and isolated. Connectedness is an important value of ours, and by that we mean face to face in real time.
We want to build a connection with little Leah, we want to be remembered for playing on the floor, sitting on the grass, splashing in the pond and swimming in the pool with her. We want to watch her climb the tree, do cartwheels on the lawn and taste the plums picked straight from the branch. We want to encourage real connection with real people in the real world.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal
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