With the weather getting warmer we have started walking on Sunday mornings again. One of the most valuable things about our walk is that we use the time to reflect on the week that has passed. This one had been a full week that on the surface felt quite challenging, coloured by a particular family issue that Chantal had to deal with.
Delving deeper, however, revealed that in actual fact the week had been enormously positive with several unexpected wins. Initially the negative impact of the family issue had all but gobbled up the good. It had threatened to cloud Chantal’s perspective of it, while leaving her feeling rather depleted and down. What ended up happening instead was a sense of accomplishment and lightness.
Negativity bias beware
It is so easy to sit with the negative and be weighed down by the challenging aspects of our days while we stress about things we got or did wrong. As humans we are hardwired to focus on the “threats” in our lives. This negativity bias was a survival mechanism from much earlier on in our evolution. It still plays quite a major role as it’s the brain’s way of keeping us safe.
“It’s enough that this issue is an energy sucker and an attention grabber,” remarked Chantal, trying to keep in step with Matthew on an uphill, “I certainly don’t want it to consume my life.”
Hence the conscious effort to survey the rest of the days of that week. To bring some perspective and balance.
Learning curve swell
Chantal spent the first half of the week preparing for another quarterly supervision session. She runs a group of five students from the latest cohort working their way through the course work year of their MPhil in leadership coaching at Stellenbosch University Business School.
At this stage of the programme the students are feeling more at ease with their practical coaching but still grappling with the flood of theories that they are faced with at each module.
“I am in the land of confusion,” remarked one student, “I don’t know what to keep, what to discard and what to add, right now.”
This grappler had found himself, as most of the others had, slap bang in the middle of the conscious incompetence swell of the learning curve. A place of increased discomfort as students become more aware of what they don’t know. This is an itchy and scratchy place that can send the uncommitted or overwhelmed scurrying back to the warm comfort of unconscious incompetence otherwise known as blissful ignorance.
There was to be no scampering back to anything vaguely comfortable for this group. They may have felt more or less overwhelmed but they were very committed and determined to push through.
Matthew doing his best superhero mentor impersonation!
Reconnections give faith
The week had offered both of us coaching sessions that had gone well, and the start of a short training course on an emotion regulation tool that had sparked some inspiration and given us ideas about our approach. There is always something new or different to learn and share in the emotional regulation space.
Another element that stood out was that we had both connected with people that we last engaged with quite some time ago. Many have a passion for the youth, education and improving the lives of those less fortunate.
Being able to re-establish a connection and update them on our study while catching up on what they were doing felt warm. It gave us faith in a future for those young people going through high school or tertiary studies who are casting their eyes around for direction and hope.
Matthew with his dear friend, Dieter. They go back some 40 years to when Matthew was 13 years old!
Attending to aches
For some time both of us have been nursing aches in very different parts of our bodies. Matthew has an ongoing relationship with his dentist around a large filling that doesn’t like to stay put. It popped out again quite some time ago and the hole has been an irritating reminder that it needs to be filled - and not with food!
Chantal has had a stiff and sore hip area. She knows that it originates in her foot which has no instep, a bad pronation and a delightful bunion. During the day it is fine, the movement makes the ache retreat but at night the stiffness was starting to interfere with her sleep. An appointment was made with her physiotherapist, while Matthew was spurred to make one with his dentist. Both were back to back on Friday. Both were in the same building.
Matthew’s appointment was quick and painless - in and out in less than 15 minutes. Chantal’s was a little longer and probably more uncomfortable. The welcome from both professionals was warm:
“Oh you again,” said with a smile, from the dentist.
“Oh where have you been?” said with a smile and a hug from the physio.
The results were rewarding. Matthew had no gaping hole in his mouth. It took some time to get used to the feeling of a smooth, supportive bite. Chantal walked out feeling as if she had just been through a serious workout on her left side. But she felt more balanced, had exercises to strengthen and secure the good work done and would be seeing her physio in the near future to check on progress.
As the season begins to warm, our food garden grows more bountiful. Here are four different kinds of leaves we used in a salad.
Notice what is centre stage
It was altogether a really fruitful and positive week. It was generative, productive and engaging. Our walk stepped us into taking specific care when reflecting. It was useful to be reminded that the negative and challenging likes to take centre stage. It likes to yell loud and stay in focus.
It was worthwhile to peel back the curtain to reveal everything else that had transpired. To turn the lights on those other players that had provided connectedness, warmth, amusement and a sense of accomplishment. Life is not black and white. It is colourful, noisy, messy and delightful. It is momentary and full. It is hard, and sad and tiresome.
Energy flows where our attention goes so being able to redirect our focus to things more fulsome and buoyant makes for a lighter, brighter day. We were privileged to end our week on the high note of Johannesburg Opera’s Celebration of Divas concert, a trio of women singing a range of opera pieces that rounded out the day and left us rejuvenated and ready for the new week.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal
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