For Chantal, as a child, a birthday was a day to look forward to with anticipation. There were gifts drawn from under her parent’s bed, to be opened to the ooh’s and ahh’s of the other siblings and wild guesses as to what each one contained.
The day at school felt full of light and specialness as friends gathered to wish the birthday girl and wonder about the treats and surprises to come.
After school there was always a balloon-filled party for invited friends who arrived in pretty dresses, and clean, pressed shirts, hair freshly combed and ribboned, with more gifts. The mothers sat to one side drinking tea and gossiping. The children surrounded a table buckling under baked treats and bought sweets.
There was always a special cake, homebaked, decorated with silver and sparkles, and coloured candles blown out with gusto. “Happy Birthday” was sung loudly and off key amongst giggles and mouthfuls of treats.
Matthew’s recollections of birthdays, on the other hand, are a bit vague. He remembers a party when he was eight, something when he was thirteen and again at eighteen. In between that not much shows up.
Honour and celebrate
As one gets older, it is easy to let birthdays slide. To overlook the day and not make too much of a fuss. But that would be remiss.
Birthdays should be honoured and celebrated in some way. It’s important to acknowledge that another year has been lived, with all its successes and disappointments, its light and dark days. Another year that has transpired where learning has taken place and growth has occurred. We hope!
“What’s on your list, Matthew?” asked Chantal several times in the weeks running up to his birthday.
Birthday and Christmas lists are the bedrock of good gift giving in Chantal’s world. Gift giving and receiving not being her love language, it’s one way of ensuring the loved one gets what they want. Most of the time.
“No you can’t have a Lamborghini, Judson.”
Matthew’s birthday
This past week was Matthew’s birthday. His birthday list had included Rugby World Cup memorabilia, which he received (surprise!). His Whatsapp feed streamed with messages from friends as we went for breakfast, the first of a food and treat-filled day, as birthday’s should be.
Tristan arrived later in the afternoon with his signature lemon meringue pie, baked by him using lemons from our tree. It is the best sugar rush anyone could ever choose. The size of the pie ensured that there was plenty for visitors who popped by and leftovers for several days more. Everyone concurred: Best lemon meringue pie they had ever tasted.
The day ended with us popping out for a drink and a snack. A very unlike thing for us to do, we went to a place close by to enjoy someone else’s Mad Giant beer (Matthew’s favourite) and red wine not from our rack, while we snacked on deep fried olives and thick cut chips. It felt good to get out for a change.
Fresher can’t be found! Our garden peas are sweet and delicious. Peas are a great protein source and contain many of the essential amino acids our body needs.
It’s the connections
The birthday celebrations spilled over into the coming days, and extended into the weekend. Friends from years gone by now back in Matthew’s solar system dotted the days either digitally popping in for a chat because thousands of kilometres and in some cases oceans divided them, or those closer by, arriving in their human form to have some tea (and lemon meringue pie) and catch up.
For someone for whom birthdays were not a thing of happy memories, making happy memories now is the thing. This year there were plenty.
“What did you most like about your birthday this year?” Chantal asked as the new week began.
“It was the connections, the people that remembered to reach out and wish me. Things like the call from your mom first thing in the morning, the conversation with Emmett in the afternoon. It was all the messages and voice notes.
“It was the warmth I felt hearing Sandy’s voice and the memories of our history tour together. The spontaneous visits for tea and having Tristan come through. It was the gift from Glen of his keen marketing eye on my coaching brochure, taking Vanessa around the garden and Ilona asking about having my first birthday without Dad.”
Tristan’s signature lemon meringue pie went down a real treat!
A joy filled week
It was a people-filled birthday week. It was a joy filled birthday week. It was a week of memory making and of memory connecting. It was a reminder that we don’t have to wait for a birthday to celebrate the good in our lives.
As surrounded as we are by the relentless pings of negative news, the stresses of daily life, the desire to make a difference and yet the struggle to do so, it is useful to stop and take a reflective breath.
It is useful to turn to the sun and warm our faces and, with closed eyes, say a small prayer of gratitude for what we do have, what we can do and what a difference that makes. It’s an instance to consider who and what there is in our lives in that moment to celebrate. Then consider who and what to embrace as a celebration in the next moment and the next.
Mad Giant craft beer has to be good, it shares Matthew’s initials. The pub-grub is not typical either. Here we snack on deliciously seasoned fried olives.
Come on now
No need to be too serious about it either. As the song by Kool and the Gang goes:
There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now
Come on now, go put on your favourite celebration song, stretch those limbs, move that body, sing off key and dance. There’s something to celebrate in your life right now, best do it loudly and with a laugh! Come on now!
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal
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