To spring clean or not?

After our sojourn to the Magaliesburg and a restful weekend away, we entered a week that bloomed with coaching sessions, connecting meetings, catchups and updates. We felt refreshed so the Monday, still noisy with cleaning and clearing, did not impact us as much.

It is spring in this part of the world and there were definite themes of assessing, considering and clearing out that emerged from the coaching sessions held during the week. There were feelings of constraint, itchiness, and a desire to shrug off old unresourceful ways.

The sessions started off clouded in discomfort and little clarity. It took some time to find our way to what the real issue was but once we arrived there, it was as if the clouds had parted and the sun could shine through.

Spring cleaning needed

“Now I know what I need to do,” remarked one client, “I can’t believe it has taken me this long to work it out.”

“I guess I will have to have that difficult conversation,” sighed another client, “I don’t want to and I have been avoiding it but I realise it has to be done.”

“My fear of hurting others has got in the way of me doing what is best for me,” said the third client.

Each one had an issue unique to themselves and their circumstances but all were feeling the push to do some professional, personal and relationship spring cleaning.

These realisations did not arrive quickly. In some instances it took more than one session of going around in circles, or coming up with reasons why things were okay as they were.

“Maybe it’s just me, maybe that’s just how I am,” said the one client, having inspected the issue from several angles and not liking what was being revealed.

It wasn’t because it was “just her”. She was avoiding the obvious: something had to shift and that something, that someone, was her.

Can you take that step?

It could be small operational tasks that keep on landing on your desk, that you really should not be doing, but somehow have continued to despite having the staff to take them over. Suddenly those distractions that break your concentration start to scratch and irritate. Something has to be done.

It may be the confluence of key professional and personal relationships that both seem to be micromanaging you. Being treated like a child is a mantle you no longer wish to bear but the decisions to address these are not so clear cut.

Maybe the on and off internal battle around a dilemma about having your voice heard, has cycled around once too many times. It starts to feel old and becomes tiring to have to hold consistently without taking action.

In each instance some action is called for but can you take that step?

For Chantal it’s the discomfort that eventually gets too much.

“I can let something go, work around it, work through it, until that irritation just gets in the way and I have to take action.”

It can get quite messy just like real spring cleaning.

It did feel better

“Remember when we decided to do some spring cleaning at the end of last year?” Chantal asked, reflecting on the big clean up and clear away they had embarked on after Christmas.

“Oh yes, we planned to go room by room,” said Matthew.

“The bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off,” laughed Chantal, “Clothes everywhere, boxes of shoes teetering in unstable towers. What a mess!”

“Ja, all those shoes that you didn’t wear.”

“Well I got rid of them, although you’d never say.”

“It was a huge undertaking that took longer than expected,” admitted Matthew.

“It took longer because of the time it took to convince you to let go of some of that stuff you were holding onto that you didn’t need!”

It’s much easier to let go of stuff when you have grown up with means and a view that there is always enough. Matthew did not have the benefit of that, so he rarely threw things away. What if he may need it some day? So it had taken some convincing to let redundant items go.

“I did feel much better when I had, though,” said Matthew with a grin, “Lighter somehow.”

To spring clean or not?

Just like spring cleaning a cupboard, spring cleaning on a personal, professional or relationship level requires unpacking and laying out our stuff. When we are able to surface all the old, worn out bits about ourselves and our behaviour that are no longer very attractive, useful or working anymore it does not look very pretty.

Sometimes it can all get a bit too overwhelming. The job looks too big and complicated. The fear of letting go overrides the need to make that change. That’s when we stuff it all back in the cupboard, push the door shut and go have a cup of tea.

We just rearrange the items, pack them in neat boxes and in neat piles but don’t discard anything. For a moment it makes us feel a little better. At least it’s all compartmentalised and tucked away. For now.

Until that itch starts up again. Until the discomfort sits heavy on our shoulders or the irritation crawls up our throats ready to pounce.

Knowing how easy it is to avoid the uncomfortable conversations, the discomfort of implementing new processes and developing new habits, Debbie (not her real name) insisted that she have a follow up coaching session the very next week.

“I need an accountability partner,” she explained, “Otherwise I could easily arrive at work on Monday and allow things to be as they always have been.”

Debbie knew that it would take effort to make the changes needed. She was going to be stepping into unfamiliar territory. Knowing that she had somebody to support and gently nudge her along gave her the courage to actually take the steps.

Most of us don’t have a cheerleader or coach to help us cross the line from uncomfortable, constrained today to “break-out of the box” change tomorrow. That’s why it can take longer than we would want and a few times around the block before we finally act.

Taking action is a brave step. It invites conflict, doubt and uncertainty to the table. There we gingerly take out the old, tight and frayed ways and spread them out in the bright light of awareness.

There will be dust, there is always dust. It will make our eyes water and our noses itch. When the dust has settled, or been wiped away, we, too, will be rewarded with a feeling of lightness.

Until next time.

Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew

Credits for this issue — Images: 5th Place