A Slice of Silence
We worked with two sets of students at very different stages of their lives yet both full of anxiety. We explored how to get the whirring to settle and the brain to calm down enough to open to learn.
This past week we worked with students who are at very different stages of their learning journey. One set were mature adults who had returned to academia to pursue a higher degree. The other group was teenagers in the middle of their high school career. Both groups experienced high levels of anxiety and overwhelm.
They were anxious for different reasons although the pressures and expectations of daily life all played a part.
Work weighed heavy
The adult group had just started their MPhil in Leadership Coaching. The first year is course work that introduces the students to a range of current and traditional coaching models and theories. The aim is for each student to design their own coaching framework and model that they present and coach to at the professional assessment in the January of the following year.
Many Masters students underestimate the workload they will experience doing this degree. The subject matter looks relatively easy to absorb. It’s interesting, and exciting. What they miscalculate is the amount of reading they have to do, the new concepts they need to grasp and the new skills they will grapple with. They have to do this while they manage their day job and personal responsibilities. When they are funding the degree themselves there is added weight to pass and succeed.
The Grade 10’s who have been admitted to the Ikusasa Lethu Saturday school programme have just entered the very middle of their high school career. They have chosen the subjects that they will study to matric. Their hope is that the subjects are suitable for acceptance into the degrees they would like to study at college or university. School had just got serious. Work had just got real. And it weighed heavy.
Both the Master’s students and the Grade 10’s viewed education as important and an advantage in this competitive world we live in. Their levels of anxiety, however, could get in the way of their success.
Vibrating electric energy
On Saturday the Grade 10s arrived at their first session with us. Most of the students come from Alexandra, a township that is full of hard edges, loud noises and a hustle on every corner. The teens’ bodies are assailed by the dust, heat, smells and buzz of humanity that fills every crook of their lives. It is difficult for them to find quiet spaces in their piled-on-top-of-one-another homes. Many have to wait until late at night, when it is quieter, to study.
The students came to class vibrating with electric energy that they could barely contain. Some shrieked instead of spoke, their laughter clamoured between the walls and echoed off the ceiling. Mouths stretched gulf-wide open.
There were also those that made no sound at all. Mouths clamped shut, they hugged their arms tightly around their torsos in an attempt to hold themselves in and down. Their faces emotionless.
It was difficult to settle the group. It was difficult to be heard. We know that as the year progresses these young people will mature and they will be able to manage themselves better. Calm themselves quicker. But at that moment they couldn’t and we needed some focus in order to provide some learning.
Usually we get the kids to move and stretch but the idea of more noise and more chaos scuppered that idea. Chantal dug in the container we always bring and drew out a box holding tealights. There was a lighter hidden under a scarf. She moved a chair to the centre of the hall and lit the candle,
Curiosity quietened the unruly teens.
“Focus on the candle,” said Chantal. She repeated, “Focus on the candle, just focus on the candle.”
Little by little the group settled. All eyes concentrated on the small flicker of light. Matthew extended the meditative state by directing them to notice the size of the candle, the height of the flame, the colour of the candle holder, and the shape of the box it was sitting on.
Quieter and calmer
With a quieter and calmer group it was easier to proceed. With us was another facilitator. He has plenty of experience working with a group like this. He is a young, energetic, multilingual man who was interested in adding to his skill set with the work we do.
He grasped the opportunity to facilitate the last part of the session. He did his version of “Simon Says” to instil focus, listening, memory and other skills. We watched him as he both held the group to attention and gave them enough rope to take part, express themselves and make mistakes.
The Grade 10s finished the session on an energetic high. This time their energy was well channeled and conveyed in a healthy way. Their voices were more modulated, the tightness in their muscles relaxed and real smiles softened their faces.
“We definitely want to do less facilitation and hand over more to people like him,” remarked Matthew thrilled with what he was witnessing.
We can’t wait to see where this is going to take the programme in the future.
A slice of silence
Our brains do not do well on anxiety. Nor do our bodies. Add the need to focus, read, study and absorb and things start to get really challenging.
Anxiety has been an unwelcome guest in Chantal’s life. It has interrupted her sleep, pinched her shoulders and hung heavy around her neck. It has curled her stomach and thumped at her chest.
Anxiety has been an almost constant companion for most of Matthew’s life too. On days when the hours ahead seem too few to fit in all the deadlines and tasks, there is the desire to step over our daily practice and dive into the doing.
That daily practice of ten minutes of silence, the opportunity to take a deep breath and focus on our version of the candle, which could include Shape of Emotion, stills the whirring. When the gong sounds, the day seems more manageable, the hours not so contracted.
It is a gentle reminder that we do better on more calm. The practice helps cultivate that for us. It would do us all good to regularly find our slice of silence. Some quiet to come back to and breathe. To let go. To reset. We hope to instil this awareness in the teenagers and to remind the maturer students of it too.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew
Credits for this issue — Images: Midjourney & 5th Place
Written by
Chantal Dawtrey
Supporting women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions · Emotional fitness coach
Chantal supports women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions. She designs and delivers data informed digital programmes that build organisational emotional fitness. She helps people move beyond habitual patterns into greater awareness, agency, and well being.
With over 15 years of coaching experience and more than two decades in facilitation and human development, Chantal partners with individuals, teams, and organizations to build emotional resilience, enhance self-awareness, and develop sustainable well-being strategies.
Her primary focus as a coach is supporting women, especially those in their 50’s and beyond, to navigate profound life transitions with clarity, steadiness and self-reconnection. Finding answers to questions about identity, purpose, belonging and desire to an emergence, a reclamation and a return to self.
If you're going through a transition and would like support, let's talk.
Matthew Green
Reducing the Certainty Deficit in high-performing people and teams · Emotional fitness coach
Matthew works with athletes, performance teams, and anyone who wants to reduce the Certainty Deficit in their situation or context.
The Certainty Deficit is the space between what you can do and what your body will let you do when it counts. It is context-specific and situational. A person or athlete can have zero deficit in one situation and a significant one in another.
The body holds beliefs that keep the Certainty Deficit in place. These beliefs run deeper than self-talk and faster than any conscious strategy. When they shift, the ceiling shifts, and new possibilities arise.
Matthew is also an emotional fitness coach who supports individuals to live and lead from a place of inner clarity and stability. The work is somatic-first, practical, and grounded.
If you're seeing a pattern that current approaches haven't shifted, let's talk.
My origin story: Why elite athletes underperform when it counts
More from Enabling the How
It’s the oats
After weeks of challenge on many fronts it felt as if a threshold had been crossed. A smoother week with resolutions and relief.
The soundtrack to our lives
Leah knows what music she likes, so do we. Music is important to us and has a useful lesson to teach too.
All is not fair
The Boks are back and it’s great to be on the winning side but a wrong call by the ref can change that and the way we feel. All is not fair so managing our state is the real job to be done.