A fudgy week
The week fudged along and felt bitty. We were tired and in need of rest which we gratefully took on the weekend. Self care is a commitment that is worth investing in.
Preparing for significant events involving many people and several moving parts is a great deal of work. We all know that. What is often forgotten is how much time and effort it takes to clear up and close out everything after the last guest has departed.
It’s not only cleaning up and paying up (all those suppliers), but also thanking everyone, sharing memories and getting back into the normal daily rhythm that takes a while. Sounds like nothing but it’s not. The older you get the longer it takes! It’s true.
A fudgy week
Sometimes weeks just fudge along. Nothing notable happens. It feels a bit like going through the motions. Putting one foot in front of the other with no real drive or direction. Sometimes it even feels like we are going in circles. Round and round the same old mulberry bush getting progressively dizzier with each turn.
It might have been as a result of coming down after the excitement and planning of the big celebration that we felt rather lacking in energy. We drifted somewhat aimlessly through the days that followed. It felt like we were walking through treacle.
Even little Leah, usually so full of energy and zest, was not feeling good. She was coming down with a cold and was particularly sensitive and grumpy. She didn’t know what to do to help herself feel better. Being only 11 months, with a vocabulary of “Dah, dah, dahdahdah, dah”, didn’t help either.
Chantal’s son Judson, also had a frustrating week. His neighbour bumped his precious baby – his car. And an unrelated but odd rattling noise sent him to several experts, which took up several hours that resulted in a gearbox mounting that needed replacing.
“At least it wasn’t the actual gearbox,” he said, his wallet significantly lighter from all the unexpected additional expenses.
We did manage to engage with clients and have some meetings but it was bitty and interrupted by several personal responsibilities that had to be attended to.
In the evenings we felt so floppy that we could not summon the courage or the strength to watch another Oscar movie. These are typically lengthy and heavy in subject. It was proving difficult to keep our eyes open beyond eight o’ clock so a two hour plus film was not going to find a place to be squeezed in.
The theme of the week
We often find that a theme circles out of our engagements and last week was no different. In the few meetings and coaching sessions we did have what surfaced was a collective, albeit personal and individualised, awareness that focus and energy had been placed on others, was for others and was broadly externally directed.
The realisation that this was no longer useful or sustainable drove a desire to turn inwards and consider what attending to oneself first may look like. This can be a challenging exercise for anyone who has habitually considered others before themselves. Concentrating on oneself can feel selfish, eliciting feelings of guilt and guilt is a very unresourceful emotion in this instance.
We talk about self care in several of our programmes and workshops. A social worker in one of our workshops noted that self care was encouraged in her industry.
“But what does it mean?” she asked in desperation.
As we unpacked what the group understood self care to be it was clear that there was a skewed version of the concept. Things such as going to the spa, spoiling yourself by buying things that you don’t really need and probably can’t afford or vegging in front of the TV were touted as “self care”.
So much more than spending money
Self care is so much more than spending money on oneself. It does not need to cost a thing. It is a conscious decision to do things that encourage physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing. In our work we place self care under the Nourishing Pillar. Getting enough sleep, eating well and keeping physically active are the bedrock of self care that too easily get impacted when we are under stress.
Our week of low energy was a sign that we needed some down time so we were very grateful that we did not have any work or social commitments over the weekend. We needed quiet time. Time to float through the day and do very little. Self care on a shoestring.
The sun came out after days of wet so we did get the washing done. We were glad to have restocked underwear drawers. There were some other chores to do but they were done at leisure so they did not feel like work.
Feeling rejuvenated
By Sunday we were rejuvenated enough to consider watching a very long movie on the Oscar list called The Brutalist. Nearly three and a half hours in length it required an early start and a strong demeanour. The subject matter was complex and, yes, heavy, like the architectural style its title referenced. The pace was slow and it was difficult to watch but we did it.
We look after ourselves. We eat well, drink plenty of water, and exercise. We do our daily practice and know how to deal with any emotional issues that pass by our way. Still, we were caught off guard with the detour into party planning and the impact that it had on our routines and our energy levels.
We strongly advocate for looking out for and after oneself, however, sometimes we forget that it’s okay to feel not okay. It’s not that we were concerned about how we felt, it was more in reflection that we were reminded that it is all part of the ebb and flow of life. Today’s ebb is tomorrow’s flow.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew
Credits for this issue — Images: Midjourney & 5th Place
Written by
Chantal Dawtrey
Supporting women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions · Emotional fitness coach
Chantal supports women, especially in midlife and beyond, to navigate life transitions. She designs and delivers data informed digital programmes that build organisational emotional fitness. She helps people move beyond habitual patterns into greater awareness, agency, and well being.
With over 15 years of coaching experience and more than two decades in facilitation and human development, Chantal partners with individuals, teams, and organizations to build emotional resilience, enhance self-awareness, and develop sustainable well-being strategies.
Her primary focus as a coach is supporting women, especially those in their 50’s and beyond, to navigate profound life transitions with clarity, steadiness and self-reconnection. Finding answers to questions about identity, purpose, belonging and desire to an emergence, a reclamation and a return to self.
If you're going through a transition and would like support, let's talk.
Matthew Green
Reducing the Certainty Deficit in high-performing people and teams · Emotional fitness coach
Matthew works with athletes, performance teams, and anyone who wants to reduce the Certainty Deficit in their situation or context.
The Certainty Deficit is the space between what you can do and what your body will let you do when it counts. It is context-specific and situational. A person or athlete can have zero deficit in one situation and a significant one in another.
The body holds beliefs that keep the Certainty Deficit in place. These beliefs run deeper than self-talk and faster than any conscious strategy. When they shift, the ceiling shifts, and new possibilities arise.
Matthew is also an emotional fitness coach who supports individuals to live and lead from a place of inner clarity and stability. The work is somatic-first, practical, and grounded.
If you're seeing a pattern that current approaches haven't shifted, let's talk.
My origin story: Why elite athletes underperform when it counts
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