Multi-coloured confetti connection

It started out as any normal Saturday. We woke without an alarm and still early. Chantal did an online yoga class and Matthew did what Matthew normally does each morning – he potters, catches up on local, national and international happenings and feeds the cats. We went for breakfast at The Fat Zebra at 9:00, after which we visited the cheese shop to replenish our now meagre cheese stock. 

We went home to do whatever it was we needed to do and then set off for Henley Business School. And this heralded the start of a very different next few days. 

Telling and listening 

Our friend and colleague Mark was presenting at the Integral Africa Conference. He was sharing what we do as a triad in the form of a story. He had asked that we be present so we gatecrashed the proceedings. Actually we were expected, Mark had ensured that we had been added to the visitors list. A very friendly Thando met us, bouncy and smiling. She wrote out our names on labels and attached them to lanyards made from shweshwe fabric. She then pointed us in the direction of the presentation room. 

Mark’s fear that he would be presenting to an audience of two was unfounded as attendees walked in late from a previous session. His story was captivating as stories often are. Of course there was analysis of the narrative and conjecture around which characters represented whom and what. It’s what we humans do. Analyse.

We stayed for the next presentations. Chantal was drawn to sit in on the Africa Voices Dialogue in hosting spaces to convene, connect and support communities of care by Robyn Whittaker. Matthew and Mark attended The philosophy of complexity – an emphasis on Levels of Work / Stratified Systems Thinking by Lisa Ashton. 

Afterwards Chantal was late meeting up with the others as she had held back to chat to Robyn about the Africa Voices initiative. Excited about what Robyn’s work was doing and how it dovetailed into our Emotional Fitness Superpower Programme for Youth, Chantal bounded back to the other two. 

A chance meeting and an invitation

As we were leaving we bumped into a tall, exuberant, barefoot American man. Yoshee was throwing a fabric, crochet frisbee around and extolling his experiences in Africa. Matthew verbalised a wish to be able to spend more time with Yoshee’s “famous person” as he had introduced Susanne Cook-Greuter to us. 

“Why don’t you join us on Monday?” Yoshee asked.

“What’s happening on Monday?” responded Matthew. 

Yoshee wasn’t exactly sure but said we should come along anyway, he’d find out and get back to us.

“Great, sure, that would be good,” said Matthew, not even certain that we had the time available but happy to go with the flow. 

Late on Sunday we got confirmation that yes, we could come, yes it was at the same venue, see you at 09:00 for 09:30.

Languaging loss and identity

On Monday morning we had pilates that ended at 8:00, how were we going to get from there, shower and through traffic to arrive on time? We did not want to dishonour the gift we had been offered by showing up late, especially as we still were not absolutely certain as to what we were going to.

“Let’s just lean into the not knowing. Let’s just do what we can and trust,” said Chantal, more to herself than Matthew. 

Luckily Matthew knows his way around the north. We did not go on the highway, as the GPS wanted us to, we went the back roads and arrived in very good time. We entered the room still not quite sure of what we had let ourselves into but we were warmly welcomed. 

We sat in a large circle around a cross made of stones on the floor. The four quadrants of Integral, Chantal guessed. The circle got bigger as more participants entered it. Words to describe how everyone arrived ranged from Excited, to Playful, Enlightened, Curious and Doubt. 

Participants shared their felt experiences coming out of earlier sessions of the conference. Some spoke of witnessing and holding heightened emotions that were not easily displayed by adults. Some felt a sense of grief at the loss of their language of origin and the impact on their identity. 

Or of no language, as a serious woman with a German accent explained. Her father’s stroke had shut down all ability to communicate; he could not even nod or shake his head to questions. She found a way though to get through and connect. 

Connection superseded content

Connection, that visceral need we, as humans, have, can build or break us depending on how much or little we have of it. Unfortunately, more and more, society seems to be breaking bonds, building walls and othering everything.  

So it was fitting for us that the day’s content was superseded by the connections made. At lunch we sat with the serious woman with the German accent, shared words and became friends with Hillen from Hamburg. We listened and shared and continued to be curious, swept away by the care and concern and comradery. We swapped details in the hope of staying in contact. At the end of the day Matthew offered lifts to three going in the same direction and one who was coming home with us to stay the night. 

We jostled through traffic in a car overflowing with mirth and stories. The laughter wove its way through the six who were once strangers and tied them together in a moment of companionship with the potential of future times of togetherness. This is how friendships are formed if given the fuel to forge them. 

A multicoloured confetti

Yoshee was the one to stay and share our space. We participated in sun salutations of a different kind, played frisbee on the lawn and found more that connected us. Yoshee now resides where Chantal spent most of her childhood summer holidays. A tiny little village on the South Coast of Kwazulu Natal that most drive right past, was the happy home of many memories and is making more for another being now. 

Mid week, as Yoshee left, Glen arrived. A long time friend of Matthew’s on his way from Ireland, his new home, to his family home in the Eastern Cape to tie up loose ends from parents departed. A visit from Hillen who offered an angelic prayer together with friends who represented fathers and the discovery of the lost feminine brought us to a midweek high. 

As the days slowed down to the end of the week, we said goodbye to many, connected virtually with more and set up time to see those we were able to. The energy of the togetherness, the sharing, the learning and being, swirled around us like multicoloured confetti. This joyful rain filled us with hope for a better future that everyone sought and spoke of. 

This future requires real people in real conversations, doing real things together. Planting the seeds for the willingness to be open, the courage to cry and the determination to do different. We are up for it, are you?

Until next time. 

Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew

Credits for this issue — Images: Midjourney & 5th Place